B899 <=> B901 [BTG XLI The bokharian dervish, p. 900]

“’And if I can still somehow reconcile myself today, it is only because I very well remember the words of our ancient great prophet “Issi-Noora” who said that “an individual is not responsible for his manifestations only when in death agony.”

“’Evidently my science, my divinity, my second mother – is also it its “death agony,” if it has betrayed me today.

“’I know very well that death agony is always followed by death.

“’And you, dear friend of my friend, have today involuntarily become for me like those physicians who then on the eve of the death of my dear mother announced to me that my mother could not live more than another day.

“’You are for me today just such a newsbearer, that this new hearth of mine will tomorrow also be extinguished.

“’The same terrible feelings and sensations which I experienced then from the moment when our physicians announced to me the imminent death of my mother until her death, are now being repeated in me.

“’Just as then, in the midst of those terrible feelings and sensations, there was still a hope that perhaps she would not die, so also at this moment, something like that hope also still flickers in me.

“’Ekh! Friend of my friend! Now that you already know my soul state, I earnestly ask you, can you explain to me what supernatural force was involved in this, that the anticipated boil which should infallibly have been formed was not formed on your left leg?

“’For the faith that it must infallibly be formed, long ago became in me as firm as the “Tookloonian-stone.”

“’And it has become so firm and unshakable because for almost forty years, day and night, I have persistently studied these great laws of world vibrations until the understanding of their meaning and actualization has become for me, as it were, my second nature.’