B994 <=> B996 [BTG XLII Beelzebub in America, p. 995]

“’But, tell me, please, are you really not afraid of being infected with those terrible diseases which these women usually suffer from, whom a “petticoat-chaser” like you runs after?’

“At this question of mine he again sighed deeply and after a short pause told me as follows:

“’Ekh! . . . my esteemed and worthy Doctor!

“’In recent years I have thought about this question a great deal. It has even become for me a subject of such interest, that in a certain sense, it has been a blessed means whereby my inner “odious life” has in spite of everything flowed more or less endurably.

“’As a physician you will, I think, probably be greatly interested to know how and why this same question interested me so much several years ago, and to what conclusions I arrived after I had, in a relatively normal state, very seriously observed and studied it.

“’About five years ago I had such a fit of depression that even alcohol scarcely had any effect on me nor pacified my psychic state.

“’And it so happened just then that I often met with certain acquaintances and friends who talked a great deal about filthy diseases and how easily one could be infected with them.

“’From these conversations I myself began thinking rather often about myself, and little by little I began fretting about my health almost like a hysterical woman.

“’I used often to reflect that being almost always drunk and constantly having affairs with such infected women, then evidently, even if for some reason or other I had so far no obvious symptom of these diseases, I must nevertheless in all probability be already infected with one of them.

“’After such reflections I first began consulting various specialists, in order to find out what were the early symptoms of whatever disease I already may have had.