B994 <=> B996 (BTG XLII Beelzebub in America, p. 995)

“’But, tell me, please, are you really not afraid of being infected with those terrible diseases which these women usually suffer from, whom a “petticoat-chaser” like you runs after?’

“At this question of mine he again sighed deeply and after a short pause told me as follows:

“’Ekh! . . . my esteemed and worthy Doctor!

“’In recent years I have thought about this question a great deal. It has even become for me a subject of such interest, that in a certain sense, it has been a blessed means whereby my inner “odious life” has in spite of everything flowed more or less endurably.

“’As a physician you will, I think, probably be greatly interested to know how and why this same question interested me so much several years ago, and to what conclusions I arrived after I had, in a relatively normal state, very seriously observed and studied it.

“’About five years ago I had such a fit of depression that even alcohol scarcely had any effect on me nor pacified my psychic state.

“’And it so happened just then that I often met with certain acquaintances and friends who talked a great deal about filthy diseases and how easily one could be infected with them.

“’From these conversations I myself began thinking rather often about myself, and little by little I began fretting about my health almost like a hysterical woman.

“’I used often to reflect that being almost always drunk and constantly having affairs with such infected women, then evidently, even if for some reason or other I had so far no obvious symptom of these diseases, I must nevertheless in all probability be already infected with one of them.

“’After such reflections I first began consulting various specialists, in order to find out what were the early symptoms of whatever disease I already may have had.