But when I returned to Russia, and again experienced all those thoughts with which I had gone away, I felt that my search, and everything connected with it, was more important than anything that was happening or could happen in a world of “obvious absurdities.” I said to myself then that the war must be looked upon as one of those generally catastrophic CONDITIONS OF LIFE in the midst of which we have to live and work, and seek answers to our questions and doubts. The war, the great European war, in the possibility of which I had not wanted to believe and the reality of which I did not for a long time wish to acknowledge, had become a fact. We were in it and I saw that it must be taken as a great memento mori showing that hurry was necessary and that it was impossible to believe in “life” which led nowhere. Fragments: One

“At the same time the beginning of the fourth way is easier than the beginning of the ways of the fakir, the monk, and the yogi. On the fourth way it is possible to work and to follow this way while remaining in the usual CONDITIONS OF LIFE, continuing to do the usual work, preserving former relations with people, and without renouncing or giving up anything. On the contrary, the CONDITIONS OF LIFE in which a man is placed at the beginning of his work, in which, so to speak, the work finds him, are the best possible for him, at any rate at the beginning of the work. These conditions are natural for him. These conditions are the man himself, because a man’s life and its conditions correspond to what he is. Any conditions different from those created by life would be artificial for a man and in such artificial conditions the work would not be able to touch every side of his being at once. Fragments: Two

“The influence of the moon upon everything living manifests itself in all that happens on the earth. The moon is the chief, or rather, the nearest, the immediate, motive force of all that takes place in organic life on the earth. All movements, actions, and manifestations of people, animals, and plants depend upon the moon and are controlled by the moon. The sensitive film of organic life which covers the earthly globe is entirely dependent upon the influence of the huge electromagnet that is sucking out its vitality. Man, like every other living being, cannot, in the ordinary CONDITIONS OF LIFE, tear himself free from the moon. All his movements and consequently all his actions are controlled by the moon. If he kills another man, the moon does it; if he sacrifices himself for others, the moon does that also. All evil deeds, all crimes, all self-sacrificing actions, all heroic exploits, as well as all the actions of ordinary everyday life, are controlled by the moon. Fragments: Five

“Morality consists of ‘buffers.’ And since ‘buffers’ are of various kinds, and as the CONDITIONS OF LIFE in different countries and in different ages or among different classes of society vary considerably, so the morality created by them is also very dissimilar and contradictory. A morality common to all does not exist. It is even impossible to say that there exists any general idea of morality, for instance, in Europe. It is said sometimes that the general morality for Europe is ‘Christian morality.’ But first of all the idea of ‘Christian morality’ itself admits of very many different interpretations and many different crimes have been justified by ‘Christian morality.’ And in the second place modern Europe has very little in common with ‘Christian morality,’ no matter how we understand this morality. Fragments: Eight

“It does not mean that all the ways are closed to him. The way of the fakir and the way of the monk, which do not require any intellectual development, remain open to him. But the methods and the means which are possible for a man of a developed intellect are impossible for him. Thus evolution is equally difficult for a cultured or an uncultured man. A cultured man lives far from nature, far from natural conditions of existence, in artificial CONDITIONS OF LIFE, developing his personality at the expense of his essence. A less cultured man, living in more normal and more natural conditions, develops his essence at the expense of his personality. A successful beginning of workwork on oneself requires the happy occurrence of an equal development of personality and essence. Such an occurrence will give the greatest assurance of success. If essence is very-little developed, a long preparatory period of work is required and this work will be quite fruitless if a man’s essence is rotten inside or if it develops some irreparable defects. Conditions of this kind occur fairly often. An abnormal development of personality very often arrests the development of essence at such an early stage that the essence becomes a small deformed thing. From a small deformed thing nothing else can be got. Fragments: Eight

“The human organism represents a chemical factory planned for the possibility of a very large output. But in the ordinary CONDITIONS OF LIFE the output of this factory never reaches the full production possible to it, because only a small part of the machinery is used which produces only that quantity of material necessary to maintain its own existence. Factory work of this kind is obviously uneconomic in the highest degree. The factory actually produces nothing — all its machinery, all its elaborate equipment, actually serve no purpose at all, in that it maintains only with difficulty its own existence. Fragments: Nine

“The work of the factory consists in transforming one kind of matter into another, namely, the coarser matters, in the cosmic sense, into finer ones. The factory receives, as raw material from the outer world, a number of coarse ‘hydrogens’ and transforms them into finer hydrogens by means of a whole series of complicated alchemical processes. But in the ordinary CONDITIONS OF LIFE the production by the human factory of the finer ‘hydrogens,’ in which, from the point of view of the possibility of higher states of consciousness and the work of higher centers, we are particularly interested, is insufficient and they are all wasted on the existence of the factory itself. If we could succeed in bringing the production up to its possible maximum we should then begin to save the fine ‘hydrogens.’ Then the whole of the body, all the tissues, all the cells, would become saturated with these fine ‘hydrogens’ which would gradually settle in them, crystallizing in a special way. This crystallization of the fine ‘hydrogens’ would gradually bring the whole organism onto a higher level, onto a higher plane of being. Fragments: Nine

“This, however, cannot happen in the ordinary CONDITIONS OF LIFE, because the ‘factory’ expends all that it produces. Fragments: Nine

“Re 96 passes into mi 48 with the help of ‘carbon’ 24 and with this the development of the second octave comes to a stop. For the transition of mi into fa, an ‘additional shock’ is necessary, but at this point nature has not prepared any ‘additional shock’ and the second octave, that is, the air octave, cannot develop further and in the ordinary CONDITIONS OF LIFE it does not develop further. Fragments: Nine

“It has been explained before that in ordinary CONDITIONS OF LIFE we do not remember ourselves; we do not remember, that is, we do not feel ourselves, are not aware of ourselves at the moment of a perception, of an emotion, of a thought or of an action. If a man understands this and tries to remember himself, every impression he receives while remembering himself will, so to speak, be doubled. In an ordinary psychic state I simply look at a street. But if I remember myself, I do not simply look at the street; I feel that I am looking, as though saying to myself: ‘I am looking.’ Instead of one impression of the street there are two impressions, one of the street and another of myself looking at it. This second impression, produced by the fact of my remembering myself, is the ‘additional shock.’ Moreover, it very often happens that the additional sensation connected with self-remembering brings with it an element of emotion, that is, the work of the machine attracts a certain amount of ‘carbon’ 12 to the place in question. Efforts to remember oneself, observation of oneself at the moment of receiving an impression, observation of one’s impressions at the moment of receiving them, registering, so to speak, the reception of impressions and the simultaneous defining of the impressions received, all this taken together doubles the intensity of the impressions and carries do 48 to re 24. At the same time the effort connected with the transition of one note to another and the passage of 48 itself to 24 enables do 48 of the third octave to come into contact with mi 48 of the second octave and to give this note the requisite amount of energy necessary for the transition of mi to fa. In this way the ‘shock’ given to do 48 extends also to mi 48 and enables the second octave to develop. Fragments: Nine

“The work itself of schools of the fourth way can have very many forms and many meanings. In the midst of the ordinary CONDITIONS OF LIFE the only chance a man has of finding a ‘way’ is in the possibility of meeting with the beginning of work of this kind. But the chance of meeting with such work as well as the possibility of profiting by this chance depends upon many circumstances and conditions. Fragments: Fifteen

“Really dead matter begins where vibrations cease. But under ordinary CONDITIONS OF LIFE on the earth’s surface we have no concern with dead matter. And science cannot procure it. All the matter we know is living matter and in its own way it is intelligent. Fragments: Sixteen

One experiment in connection with what G. said about breathing and fatigue explained many things to me and chiefly it explained why it is so difficult to attain anything in the ordinary CONDITIONS OF LIFE. Fragments: Seventeen