G. replied that no other arrangement was possible, because, owing to the very nature of the work, he could not have many pupils. At the same time, he did not desire and ought not — he emphasized this — to spend his own money on the organization of the work. His work was not, and could not be, of a charitable nature and his pupils themselves ought to find the means for the hire of apartments where they could meet; for carrying out experiments; and so on. Besides this, he added that OBSERVATION showed that people who were weak in life proved themselves weak in the work. Fragments: One

“But first of all another thing must be understood, namely, that knowledge cannot belong to all, cannot even belong to many. Such is the law. You do not understand this because you do not understand that knowledge, like everything else in the world, is material. It is material, and this means that it possesses all the characteristics of materiality. One of the first characteristics of materiality is that matter is always limited, that is to say, the quantity of matter in a given place and under given condi­tions is limited. Even the sand of the desert and the water of the sea is a definite and unchangeable quantity. So that, if knowledge is material, then it means that there is a definite quantity of it in a given place at a given time. It may be said that, in the course of a certain period of time, say a century, humanity has a definite amount of knowledge at its disposal. But we know, even from an ordinary OBSERVATION of life, that the matter of knowledge possesses entirely different qualities according to whether it is taken in small or large quantities. Taken in a large quantity in a given place, that is by one man, let us say, or by a small group of men, it produces very good results; taken in a small quantity (that is, by every one of a large number of people), it gives no results at all; or it may give even negative results, contrary to those expected. Thus if a certain definite quantity of knowledge is distributed among millions of people, each individual will receive very little, and this small amount of knowledge will change nothing either in his life or in his understanding of things. And however large the number of people who receive this small amount of knowledge, it will change nothing in their lives, except, perhaps, to make them still more difficult. Fragments: Two

Parts of centers hardly came into these talks. G. said that centers were divided into positive and negative parts, but he did not point out that this division was not identical for all the different centers. Then he said that each center was divided into three parts or three stories which, in their turn, were also divided into three; but he gave no examples, nor did he point out that OBSERVATION of attention made it possible to dis­tinguish the work of parts .of centers. All this and much else besides was established later. For instance, although he undoubtedly gave the fundamental basis for the study of the role and the significance of negative emotions, as well as methods of struggling against them, referring to non-identification, non-considering, and not expressing negative emotions, he did not complete these theories or did not explain that negative emotions were entirely unnecessary and that no normal center for them existed. Fragments: Three

“And yet a person accustomed to self-OBSERVATION knows for certain that at different periods of his life he has understood one and the same idea, one and the same thought, in totally different ways. It often seems strange to him that he could have understood so wrongly that which, in his opinion, he now understands rightly. And he realizes, at the same time, that his knowledge has not changed, and that he knew as much about the given subject before as he knows now. What, then, has changed? His being has changed. And once being has changed understanding must change also. Fragments: Four

“The teaching of the three forces is at the root of all ancient systems. The first force may be called active or positive; the second, passive or negative; the third, neutralizing. But these are merely names, for in reality all three forces are equally active and appear as active, passive, and neutralizing, only at their meeting points, that is to say, only in relation to one another at a given moment. The first two forces are more or less comprehensible to man and the third may sometimes be discovered either at the point of application of the forces, or in the ‘medium,’ or in the ‘result.’ But, speaking in general, the third force is not easily accessible to direct OBSERVATION and understanding. The reason for this is to be found in the functional limitations of man’s ordinary psychological activity and in the fundamental categories of our perception of the phenomenal world, that is, in our sensation of space and time resulting from these limitations. People cannot perceive and observe the third force directly any more than they can spatially perceive the ‘fourth dimension.’ Fragments: Four

“But at the beginning it is enough to understand the general principle: every phenomenon, of whatever magnitude it may be, is inevitably the manifestation of three forces; one or two forces cannot produce a phenomenon, and if we observe a stoppage in anything, or an endless hesitation at the same place, we can say that, at the given place, the third force is lacking. In trying to understand this it must be remembered at the same time that people cannot observe phenomena as manifestations of three forces because we cannot observe the objective world in our subjective states of consciousness. And in the subjectively observed phenomenal world we see in phenomena only the manifestation of one or two forces. If we could see the manifestation of three forces in every action, we should then see the world as it is (things in themselves). Only it must here be remembered that a phenomenon which appears to be simple may actually be very complicated, that is, it may be a very complex combination of trinities. But we know that we cannot observe the world as it is and this should help us to understand why we cannot see the third force. The third force is a property of the real world. The subjective or phenomenal world of our OBSERVATION is only relatively real, at any rate it is not complete. Fragments: Four

“Matter or substance necessarily presupposes the existence of force or energy. This does not mean that a dualistic conception of the world is necessary. The concepts of matter and force are as relative as everything else. In the Absolute, where all is one, matter and force are also one. But in this connection matter and force are not taken as real principles of the world in itself, but as properties or characteristics of the phenomenal world observed by us. To begin the study of the universe it is sufficient to have an elementary idea of matter and energy, such as we get by immediate OBSERVATION through our organs of sense. The ‘constant’ is taken as material, as matter, and ‘changes’ in the state of the ‘constant,’ or of matter, are called manifestations of force or energy. All these changes can be regarded as the result of vibrations or undulatory motions which begin in the center, that is, in the Absolute, and go in all directions, crossing one another, colliding, and merging together, until they stop altogether at the end of the ray of creation. Fragments: Five

What I heard interested me very much for it connected G.’s system with the system of the Tarot, which had seemed to me at one time to be a possible key to hidden knowledge. Moreover it showed me a relation of three to four which was new to me and which I had not been able to understand from the Tarot. The Tarot is definitely constructed upon the law of four principles. Until now G. had spoken only of the law of three principles. But now I saw how three passed into four and understood the necessity for this division so long as the division of force and matter exists for our immediate OBSERVATION. “Three” referred to force and “four” referred to matter. Of course, the further meaning of this was still obscure for me, but even the little that G. said promised a great deal for the future. Fragments: Five

“The chief method of self-study is self-OBSERVATION. Without properly applied self­OBSERVATION a man will never understand the connection and the correlation between the various functions of his machine, will never understand how and why on each separate occasion everything in him ‘happens.’ Fragments: Six

“But to learn the methods of self-OBSERVATION and of right self-study requires a certain understanding of the functions and the characteristics of the human machine. Thus in observing the functions of the human machine it is necessary to understand the correct divisions of the functions observed and to be able to define them exactly and at once; and the definition must not be a verbal but an inner definition; by taste, by sensation, in the same way as we define all inner experiences. Fragments: Six

“There are two methods of self-OBSERVATION: analysis, or attempts at analysis, that is, attempts to find the answers to the questions: upon what does a certain thing depend, and why does it happen; and the second method is registering, simply ‘recording’ in one’s mind what is observed at the moment. Fragments: Six

“Self-OBSERVATION, especially in the beginning, must on no account become analysis or attempts at analysis. Analysis will only become possible much later when a man knows all the functions of his machine and all the laws which govern it. Fragments: Six

“In trying to analyze some phenomenon that he comes across within him, a man generally asks: ‘What is this? Why does it happen in this way and not in some other way?’ And he begins to seek an answer to these questions, forgetting all about further OBSERVATIONs. Becoming more and more engrossed in these questions he completely loses the thread of self-OBSERVATION and even forgets about it. Observation stops. It is clear from this that only one thing can go on; either OBSERVATION or attempts at analysis. Fragments: Six

“But even apart from this, attempts to analyze separate phenomena without a knowledge of general laws are a completely useless waste of time. Before it is possible to analyze even the most elementary phenomena, a man must accumulate a sufficient quantity of material by means of ‘recording.’ ‘Recording,’ that is, the result of a direct OBSERVATION of what is taking place at a given moment, is the most important material in the work of self-study. When a certain number of ‘records’ have been accumulated and when, at the same time, laws to a certain extent have been studied and understood, analysis becomes possible. Fragments: Six

“From the very beginning, OBSERVATION, or ‘recording,’ must be based upon the understanding of the fundamental principles of the activity of the human machine. Self-OBSERVATION cannot be properly applied without knowing these principles, without constantly bearing them in mind. Therefore ordinary self-OBSERVATION, in which all people are engaged all their lives, is entirely useless and leads nowhere. Fragments: Six

“Observation must begin from the beginning. All previous experience, the results of all previous self-OBSERVATION, must be laid aside. They may contain much valuable material. But all this material is based upon wrong divisions of the functions observed and is itself wrongly divided. It cannot therefore be utilized, at any rate it cannot be utilized at the beginning of the work of self-study. What is of value in it will, at the proper time, be taken up and made use of. But it is necessary to begin from the begin­ning. A man must begin observing himself as though he did not know himself at all, as though he had never observed himself. Fragments: Six

“Having fixed in his own mind the difference between the intellectual, the emotional, and the moving functions, a man must, as he observes himself, immediately refer his impressions to this or that category. And at first he must take mental note of only such OBSERVATIONs as regards which he has no doubt whatever, that is, those where he sees at once to what category they belong. He must reject all vague or doubtful cases and remember only those which are unquestionable. If the work is carried on properly, the number of unquestionable OBSERVATIONs will rapidly increase. And that which seemed doubtful before will be clearly seen to belong to the first, the second, the third center. Each center has its own memory, its own associations, its own thinking. As a matter of fact each center consists of three parts: the thinking, the emotional, and the moving. But we know very little about this side of our nature. In each center we know only one part. Self-OBSERVATION, however, will very quickly show us that our mental life is much richer than we think, or in any case that it contains more possibilities than we think. Fragments: Six

“The next object of self-OBSERVATION must be habits in general. Every grown-up man consists wholly of habits, although he is often unaware of it and even denies having any habits at all. This can never be the case. All three centers are filled with habits and a man can never know himself until he has studied all his habits. The OBSERVATION and the study of habits is particularly difficult because, in order to see and ‘record’ them, one must escape from them, free oneself from them, if only for a moment. So long as a man is governed by a particular habit, he does not observe it, but at the very first attempt, however feeble, to struggle against it, he feels it and notices it. Therefore in order to observe and study habits one must try to struggle against them. This opens up a practical method of self-OBSERVATION. It has been said before that a man cannot change anything in himself, that he can only observe and ‘record.’ This is true. But it is also true that a man cannot observe and ‘record’ anything if he does not try to struggle with himself, that is, with his habits. This struggle cannot yield direct results, that is to say, it cannot lead to any change, especially to any permanent and lasting change. But it shows what is there. Without a struggle a man cannot see what he consists of. The struggle with small habits is very difficult and boring, but without it self-OBSERVATION is impossible. Fragments: Six

“Even at the first attempt to study the elementary activity of the moving center a man comes up against habits. For instance, a man may want to study his movements, may want to observe how he walks. But he will never succeed in doing so for more than a moment if he continues to walk in the usual way. But if he understands that his usual way of walking consists of a number of habits, for instance, of taking steps of a certain length, walking at a certain speed, and so on, and lie tries to alter them, that is, to walk faster or slower, to take bigger or smaller steps, he will be able to observe himself and to study his movements as he walks. If a man wants to observe himself when he is writing, he must take note of how he holds his pen and try to hold it in a different way from usual; OBSERVATION will then become possible. In order to observe himself a man must try to walk not in his habitual way, he must sit in unaccustomed attitudes, he must stand when he is accustomed to sit, he must sit when he is accustomed to stand, and he must make with his left hand the movements he is accustomed to make with his right hand and vice versa. All this will enable him to observe himself and study the habits and associations of the moving center. Fragments: Six

“Besides being a very good method for self-OBSERVATION, the struggle against expressing unpleasant emotions has at the same time another significance. It is one of the few directions in which a man can change himself or his habits without creating other undesirable habits. Therefore self-OBSERVATION and self-study must, from the first, be accompanied by the struggle against the expression of unpleasant emotions. Fragments: Six

On one occasion at the beginning of a meeting G. put a question to which all those present had to answer in turn. The question was; “What is the most important thing that we notice during self-OBSERVATION?” Fragments: Seven

Some of those present said that during attempts at self-OBSERVATION, what they had felt particularly strongly was an incessant flow of thoughts which they had found impossible to stop. Others spoke of the difficulty of distinguishing the work of one center from the work of another. I had evidently not altogether understood the question, or I answered my own thoughts, because I said that what struck me most was the connectedness of one thing with another in the system, the wholeness of the system, as if it were an “organism,” and the entirely new significance of the word to know which included not only the idea of knowing this thing or that, but the connection between this thing and everything else. Fragments: Seven

“This is an apperception.” He said to me, “Have you read Wundt’s Logic? You will find there his latest definition of apperception. It is exactly the same thing you speak of. ‘Simple OBSERVATION’ is perception. ‘Observation with self-remembering,’ as you call it, is apperception. Of course Wundt knew of it.” Fragments: Seven

“The principle of dividing into eight unequal parts the period, in which the vibrations are doubled, is based upon the OBSERVATION of the non-uniform increase of vibrations in the entire octave, and separate ‘steps’ of the octave show acceleration and retardation at different moments of its development. Fragments: Seven

“It has been said before that self-study and self-OBSERVATION, if rightly conducted, bring man to the realization of the fact that something is wrong with his machine and with his functions in their ordinary state. A man realizes that it is precisely because he is asleep that he lives and works in a small part of himself. It is precisely for this reason that the vast majority of his possibilities remain unrealized, the vast majority of his powers are left unused. A man feels that he does not get out of life all that it can give him, that he fails to do so owing to definite functional defects in his machine, in his receiving apparatus. The idea of self-study acquires in his eyes a new meaning. He feels that possibly it may not even be worth while studying himself as he is now. He sees every function as it is now and as it could be or ought to be. Self-OBSERVATION brings man to the realization of the necessity for self-change. And in observing him-self a man notices that self-OBSERVATION itself brings about certain changes in his inner processes. He begins to understand that self-OBSERVATION is an instrument of self­change, a means of awakening. By observing himself he throws, as it were, a ray of light onto his inner processes which have hitherto worked in complete darkness. And under the influence of this light the processes themselves begin to change. There are a great many chemical processes that can take place only in the absence of light. Exactly in the same way many psychic processes can take place only in the dark. Even a feeble light of consciousness is enough to change completely the character of a process, while it makes many of them altogether impossible. Our inner psychic processes (our inner alchemy) have much in common with those chemical processes in which light changes the character of the process and they are subject to analogous laws. Fragments: Eight

“When a man comes to realize the necessity not only for self-study and self­OBSERVATION but also for work on himself with the object of changing himself, the character of his self-OBSERVATION must change. He has so far studied the details of the work of the centers, trying only to register this or that phenomenon, to be an impartial witness. He has studied the work of the machine. Now he must begin to see himself, that is to say, to see, not separate details, not the work of small wheels and levers, but to see everything taken together as a whole — the whole of himself such as others see him. Fragments: Eight

“Instead of the man he had supposed himself to be he will see quite another man. This ‘other’ man is himself and at the same time not himself. It is he as other people know him, as he imagines himself and as he appears in his actions, words, and so on; but not altogether such as he actually is. For a man himself knows that there is a great deal that is unreal, invented, and artificial in this other man whom other people know and whom he knows himself. You must learn to divide the real from the invented. And to begin self-OBSERVATION and self-study it is necessary to divide oneself. A man must realize that he indeed consists of two men. Fragments: Eight

“From this point of view there is a very definite danger arising from the very first moment of self-OBSERVATION. It is ‘I’ who begins self-OBSERVATION, but it is immediately taken up and continued by ‘Ouspensky,’ ‘Zakharov,’ or ‘Petrov.’ But ‘Ouspensky’ ‘Zakharov,’ or ‘Petrov’ from the very first steps introduces a slight alteration into this self-OBSERVATION, an alteration which seems to be quite unimportant but which in reality fundamentally alters the whole thing. Fragments: Eight

“Let us suppose, for example, that a man called Ivanov hears the description of this method of self-OBSERVATION. He is told that a man must divide himself, ‘he’ or ‘I’ on one side and ‘Ouspensky,’ ‘Tetrov,’ or ‘Zakharov’ on the other side. And he divides himself literally as he hears it. ‘This is I,’ he says, ‘and that is “Ouspensky,” “Petrov,” or “Zakharov.”‘ He will never say ‘Ivanov.’ He finds that unpleasant, so he will inevitably use somebody else’s surname or Christian name. Moreover he calls ‘I’ what he likes in himself or at any rate what he considers to be strong, while he calls ‘Ouspensky,’ ‘Petrov,’ or ‘Zakharov’ what he does not like or what he considers to be weak. On this basis he begins to reason in many ways about himself, quite wrongly of course from the very beginning, since he has already deceived himself in the most important point and has taken not his real self, that is, he has taken, not Ivanov, but the imaginary ‘Ouspensky,’ ‘Petrov’ or ‘Zakharov.’ Fragments: Eight

“It is difficult even to imagine how often a man dislikes to use his own name in speaking of himself in the third person. He tries to avoid it in every possible way. He calls himself by another name, as in the instance just mentioned; he devises an artificial name for himself, a name by which nobody ever has or ever will call him, or he calls himself simply ‘he,’ and so on. In this connection people who are accustomed in their mental conversations to call themselves by their Christian name, or surname or by pet names are no exception. When it comes to self-OBSERVATION they prefer to call themselves ‘Ouspensky’ or to say ‘Ouspensky in me,’ as though there could be an ‘Ouspensky’ in them. There is quite enough of ‘Ouspensky’ for Ouspensky himself. Fragments: Eight

“Self-OBSERVATION becomes OBSERVATION of ‘Ouspensky’ A man understands that he is not ‘Ouspensky,’ that ‘Ouspensky’ is nothing but the mask he wears, the part that he unconsciously plays and which unfortunately he cannot stop playing, a part which rules him and makes him do and say thousands of stupid things, thousands of things which he would never do or say himself. Fragments: Eight

“On this level of self-OBSERVATION a man must understand that his whole aim is to free himself from ‘Ouspensky.’ And since he cannot in fact free himself from ‘Ouspensky,’ because he is himself, he must therefore master ‘Ouspensky’ and make him do, not what the ‘Ouspensky’ of the given moment wants, but what he himself wants to do. From being the master, ‘Ouspensky’ must become the servant. Fragments: Eight

“In order to know why this is so you must remember a great deal of what has been said earlier. As was said earlier, self-OBSERVATION brings a man to the realization of the fact that he does not remember himself. Man’s inability to remember himself is one of the chief and most characteristic features of his being and the cause of everything else in him. The inability to remember oneself finds expression in many ways. A man does ‘not remember his decisions, he does not remember the promises lie has made to himself, does not remember what he said or felt a month, a week, a day, or even an hour ago. He begins work of some kind and after a certain lapse of time he does not remember why he began it. It is especially in connection with work on oneself that this happens particularly often. A man can remember a promise given to another person only with the help of artificial associations, associations which have been educated into him, and they, in their turn, are connected with conceptions which are also artificially created of ‘honor,’ ‘honesty,’ ‘duty,’ and so on. But speaking in general one can say truthfully that if a man remembers one thing he forgets ten other things which are much more important for him to remember. And a man particularly easily forgets what relates to himself, those ‘mental photographs’ of himself which perhaps he has previously taken. Fragments: Eight

” ‘Identification’ is so common a quality that for purposes of OBSERVATION it is difficult to separate it from everything else. Man is always in a state of identification, only the object of identification changes. Fragments: Eight

“It has been explained before that in ordinary conditions of life we do not remember ourselves; we do not remember, that is, we do not feel ourselves, are not aware of ourselves at the moment of a perception, of an emotion, of a thought or of an action. If a man understands this and tries to remember himself, every impression he receives while remembering himself will, so to speak, be doubled. In an ordinary psychic state I simply look at a street. But if I remember myself, I do not simply look at the street; I feel that I am looking, as though saying to myself: ‘I am looking.’ Instead of one impression of the street there are two impressions, one of the street and another of myself looking at it. This second impression, produced by the fact of my remembering myself, is the ‘additional shock.’ Moreover, it very often happens that the additional sensation connected with self-remembering brings with it an element of emotion, that is, the work of the machine attracts a certain amount of ‘carbon’ 12 to the place in question. Efforts to remember oneself, OBSERVATION of oneself at the moment of receiving an impression, OBSERVATION of one’s impressions at the moment of receiving them, registering, so to speak, the reception of impressions and the simultaneous defining of the impressions received, all this taken together doubles the intensity of the impressions and carries do 48 to re 24. At the same time the effort connected with the transition of one note to another and the passage of 48 itself to 24 enables do 48 of the third octave to come into contact with mi 48 of the second octave and to give this note the requisite amount of energy necessary for the transition of mi to fa. In this way the ‘shock’ given to do 48 extends also to mi 48 and enables the second octave to develop. Fragments: Nine

“Mi 48 passes to fa 24; fa 24 passes to sol 12; sol 12 passes to la 6. La 6 is the highest matter produced by the organism from air, that is, from the second kind of food. This however is obtained only by making a conscious effort at the moment an impression is received. “It is necessary to understand what this means. We all breathe the same air. Apart from the elements known to our science the air contains a great number of substances unknown to science, indefinable for it and inaccessible to its OBSERVATION. But exact analysis is possible both of the air inhaled and of the air exhaled. This exact analysis shows that although Fragments: Nine

“Furthermore, in the work of self-study one man begins to accumulate material resulting from self-OBSERVATION. Twenty people will have twenty times as much material. And every one of them will be able to use the whole of this material because the exchange of OBSERVATIONs is one of the purposes of the group’s existence. Fragments: Eleven

“The study and the OBSERVATION of yawning from this point of view may reveal much that is new and interesting. Fragments: Eleven

One thing I understood even then with undoubted clarity, that no phenomena of a higher order, that is, transcending the category of ordinary things observable every day, or phenomena which are sometimes called “metaphysical,” can be observed or investigated by ordinary means, in an ordinary state of consciousness, like physical phenomena. It is a complete absurdity to think that it is possible to study phenomena of a higher order like “telepathy,” “clairvoyance,” foreseeing the future, mediumistic phenomena, and so on, in the same way as electrical, chemical, or meteorological phenomena are studied. There is something in phenomena of a higher order which requires a particular emotional state for their OBSERVATION and study. And this excludes any possibility of “properly conducted” laboratory experiments and OBSERVATIONs. Fragments: Thirteen

As I have already mentioned before, G. used the expressions “objective” and “subjective” in a special sense, taking as a basis the divisions of “subjective” and “objective” states of consciousness. All our ordinary knowledge which is based on ordinary methods of OBSERVATION and verification of OBSERVATIONs, all scientific theories deduced from the OBSERVATION of facts accessible to us in subjective states of consciousness, he called subjective. Knowledge based upon ancient methods and principles of OBSERVATION, knowledge of things in themselves, knowledge accompany­ing “an objective state of consciousness,” knowledge of the All, was for him objective knowledge. Fragments: Fourteen

It in no way enters into my task either to describe or to analyze what was taking place. At the same time it was such an exceptional period that I cannot altogether avoid all mention of what was going on around us, otherwise I should have to admit that I had been both blind and deaf. Besides, nothing could have given such material for the study of the “mechanicalness” of events, that is, of the entire and complete absence of any element of will, as the OBSERVATION of events at this period. Some things appeared or might have appeared to be dependent on somebody’s will, but even this was illusion and in reality it had never been so clear that everything happens, that no one does anything. Fragments: Sixteen

“More than anything else he needs constant supervision and OBSERVATION. He cannot observe himself constantly. Then he needs definite rules the fulfillment of which needs, in the first place, a certain kind of self-remembering and which, in the second place, helps in the struggle with habits. A man cannot do all this by himself. In life everything is always arranged far too comfortably for man to work. In a school a man finds himself among other people who are not of his own choosing and with whom perhaps it is very difficult to live and work, and usually in uncomfortable and unaccustomed conditions. This creates tension between, him and the others. And this tension is also indispensable because it gradually chips away his sharp angles. Fragments: Seventeen

Exercises on this occasion were much more difficult and varied than during the preceding summer. We began rhythmic exercises to music, dervish dances, different kinds of mental exercises, the study of different ways of breathing, and so on. Particularly intensive were the exercises for studying various imitations of psychic phenomena, thought-reading, clairvoyance, mediumistic displays, and so forth. Before these exercises began G. explained to us that the study of these “tricks,” as he called them, was an obligatory subject in all Eastern schools, because without having studied all possible counterfeits and imitations it was not possible to begin the study of phenomena of a supernormal character. A man is in a position to distinguish the real from the sham in this sphere only when he knows all the shams and is able to reproduce them himself. Besides this G. said that a practical study of these “psychic tricks” was in itself an exercise which could be replaced by nothing else, which was the best of all for developing certain special characteristics: keenness of OBSERVATION, shrewdness, and more particularly for the enlargement of other characteristics for which there are no words in ordinary psychological language but which must certainly be developed. Fragments: Eighteen

This was a very strange “OBSERVATION” but it was absolutely a right one. I had nothing to say against G.’s methods except that they did not suit me. A very clear example came to my mind then. I had never had a negative attitude towards the “way of the monk,” to religious, mystical ways. At the same time I could never have thought for one moment that such a way was possible for me or suitable. And so, if after three years of work I perceived that G. was leading us in fact towards the way of religion, of the monastery, and required the observance of all religious forms and ceremonies, there would be of course a motive for disagreeing with this and for going away, even though at the risk of losing direct leadership. And certainly this would not, at the same time, mean that I considered the religious way a wrong way in general. It may even be a more correct way than my way but it is not my way. Fragments: Eighteen

“Observation must begin with the division of functions. All the activity of the human machine is divided into four sharply defined groups, each of which is controlled by its own special mind or ‘center.’ In observing himself a man must differentiate between the four basic functions of his machine: the thinking, the emotional, the moving, and the instinctive. Every phenomenon that a man observes in himself is related to one or the other of these functions. Therefore, before beginning to observe, a man must understand how the functions differ; what intellectual activity means, what emotional activity means, what moving activity means, and what instinctive activity means. Fragments: Six

“Observation of the activity of imagination and daydreaming forms a very important part of self-study. Fragments: Six

“The right development of these octaves is based on what looks an accident. It sometimes happens that octaves going parallel to the given octave, intersecting or meeting it, in some way or another fill up its ‘intervals’ and make it possible for the vibrations of the given octave to develop in freedom and without checks. Observation of such rightly developing octaves establishes the fact that if at the necessary moment, that is, at the moment when the given octave passes through an ‘interval,’ there enters into it an ‘additional shock’ which corresponds in force and character, it will develop further without hindrance along the original direction, neither losing anything nor changing its nature. Fragments: Seven

I am bound to say that all these attempts came to nothing. Some said too much, others said too little. Some went into unnecessary details or into descriptions of what they considered were their particular and original characteristics; others concentrated on their “sins” and errors. But everything taken together failed to produce what G. evidently expected. The result was anecdotes, or chronological memoirs which interested nobody, and family recollections which made people yawn. Something was wrong, but what exactly was wrong even those who had tried to be as sincere as they could were unable to determine. I remember my own attempts. In the first place I tried to convey certain early childhood impressions which seemed to me psychologically interesting because I remembered myself as I was at a very early age and was always myself astonished by some of these early impressions. But nobody was interested in this and I quickly saw that this was certainly not what was required of us. I proceeded further but almost immediately I felt a certainty that there were many things that I had no intention whatever of telling. This was a quite unexpected realization. I had accepted G.’s idea without any opposition and I thought I would be able to tell the story of my life without any particular difficulty. But in reality it turned out to be quite impossible. Something in me registered such a vehement protest against it that I did not even attempt to struggle and in speaking of certain periods of my life I tried to give only the general idea and the significance of the facts which I did not want to relate. In this connection I noted that my voice and intonations changed when I talked in this way. This helped me to understand other people. I began to hear that, in speaking of themselves and their lives, they also spoke in different voices and different intonations. And there were intonations of a particular kind which I had first heard in myself and which showed me that people wanted to hide something in what they were talking about. But intonations gave them away. Observation of intonations afterwards made it possible for me to understand many other things. Fragments: Twelve