Mullah Nassr Eddin, or has he is also called, Hodja Nassr Eddin, is, it seems, little known in Europe and America, but he is very well known in all countries of the continent of Asia; this legendary personage corresponds to the American Uncle Sam or the German Till Eulenspiegel. Numerous tales popular in the East, akin to the wise sayings, some of long standing and others newly arisen, were ascribed and are still ascribed to this Nassr Eddin.

and among the beings of a continent of that planet called Asia, there arose and existed a very wise three-brained being whom they called there Mullah Nassr Eddin; for each and every peculiar situation great and small in the existence of the beings there, this same terrestrial sage Mullah Nassr Eddin had an apt and pithy saying; as all his sayings were full of the sense of truth for existence there, I also always used them there as a guide, in order to have a comfortable existence among the beings of that planet 57

in such a situation as has befallen us, he would probably say: you cannot jump over your knees and it is absurd to try to kiss your own elbow; now I say the same to you, and I add: there is nothing to be done; when an event is impending which arises from forces immeasurably greater than our own, one must submit-Beelzebub 57

Mullah Nassr Eddin, or as he is also called, Hodja Nassr Eddin, is, it seems, little known in Europe and America, but he is very well known in all the countries of the continent of Asia; numerous tales popular in the East, akin to the wise sayings, some of long standing and others newly arisen, were ascribed and are still ascribed to this Nassr Eddin 9-10

The sayings of Mullah Nassr Eddin:

that Greek language and the language now spoken by contemporary Greeks, are as much alike as a nail is like a requiem 13

all they can do is to wrangle with pigs about the quality of oranges 15

without greasing the palm, not only is it impossible to live anywhere tolerably, but even to breathe 43

never poke your stick into a hornet’s nest 44

the action of this astonishing and exceedingly ingenious invention, Kundabuffer, began from the first day to develop, like a Jericho-trumpet-in-crescendo 89

you wouldn’t have recovered your senses before the next crop of birches 94

stuff and nonsense 99

just Roses, Roses 101 433 1075

he was able to see no further than his nose 104

‘struth! what might not happen in this world; a flea might swallow an elephant 105

no more hokeypokey about it 134

their supposed source of heat and light is itself almost always freezing cold like the hairless-dog of our highly esteemed Mullah Nassr Eddin 135

they are as much alike as the beard of the famous English Shakespeare and the no less famous French Armagnac 142

nevertheless, there’s more reality in it than in the wiseacrings of an expert in monkey-business 152

Gornahoor Harharkh suddenly found himself at a certain height above the chair and began to flounder like-a-puppy-who-has-fallen-into-a-deep-pond 165

he is now what our dear Mullah Nassr Eddin would call a has-been or, he-is-already-sitting-in-an-old-American-galosh 166

our dear Mullah Nassr Eddin explains this process, Essence–Sacred-Aliamizoornakalu, as giving-one’s-word-of-honor-not-to-poke-one’s-nose-into-the-affairs-of-the-authorities 176

the first succeeding generation began to superwiseacre so thoroughly that there reached the beings of the third and fourth generations nothing else but what our Honorable Mullah Nassr Eddin defines by the words: only-information-about-its-specific-smell 239-40

they were both very successful, though of course not without luck, in finding the authentic god-mother of the incomparable Scheherazade on an old dunghill 273

the cause of every misunderstanding must be sought only in woman 274

those kinds of beings began to appear who in themselves are neither one thing nor another 278

happy is that father whose son is even busy with murder and robbery, for he himself will then have no time to get accustomed to occupy himself with titillation 282

what a good husband he is, or what a good wife she is, whose whole inner world is not busy with the constant nagging of the other half 289

the gluttonous swine of our respected Mullah Nassr Eddin 289

show me the elephant the blind man has seen, and only then will I believe that you have really seen a fly 306

there is everything in it except the core or even the kernel 322

everybody talks as if our learned know that half a hundred is fifty 323

there remains of it, as our dear Mullah Nassr Eddin expresses it, only the tail-and-mane-and-food-for-Scheherazade 351

a flea exists in the world just for one thing-that when it sneezes, that deluge should occur with the description of which our learned beings love so much to busy themselves 351

every-real-happiness-for-man-can-arise-exclusively-only-from-some-unhappiness-also-real-which-he-has-already-experienced 377

the Reasons of the three-brained beings ultimately became so degenerate that among contemporary beings it is already a-real-mill-for-nonsense 417

even-without-any-economizing 427

always to the glory, as our dear Mullah Nassr Eddin says, of the cloven-hoofed 430

as-long-as-everything-looks-fine-and-dandy-tome-what-does-it-matter-if-the-grass-doesn’t-grow 431

better-pull-ten-hairs-a-day-out-of-your-mother’s-head-than-not-help-Nature 432

the ordinary existence of the three-brained beings of your planet has been, just as our dear Mullah Nassr Eddin says, not-life-but-free-jam 433

in short, what happens in their psyche is just what our dear teacher defines by the word, a mix-up 487

this new invention there, this language Esperanto, might do for Mullah Nassr Eddin for composing the amusing anecdotes he tells his hens! 536

this comparatively petty planet, with a petty halfdead terra firma, continues to remain a thousand-tongued hydra 536; and 698

how these contemporary physicians discharge the obligations taken upon themselves, it is precisely here that the dead camel of the merchant Vermassan-Zeroonan-Alaram is buried 541

for our sins, God has sent us two kinds of physicians, one kind to help us die, and the other to prevent us living 557

in the second half of his last sojourn, Beelzebub happened more than once to meet that terrestrial uniquely wise Mullah Nassr Eddin and to have personal exchange of opinion with him on various, as is said there, life questions: 594-602

Mullah uttered his favorite saying: so-and-so-and-so-must-be; do-not-do-what-must-not-be, and also uttered his favorite exclamation, somewhat resembling Zrrt!! 598

and indeed, when, after he had pronounced the tirade and had thoroughly finished hubble-bubbling the water in his Kalyan, he-while giving in his subsequent speech with the subtle venom which is proper to him, a definition of the whole presence and general essence of the beings of the contemporary community Persia — explained to me that he compared the beings of this same community Persia to the birds, crows, while the beings of the large community Russia he compared to the birds, turkeys 598-9

this latter bird, more than all other birds, expresses a something which is neither fish, flesh, fowl, nor good red herring, but which represents in itself, as is said, a-half-with-a-quarter-plus-three-quarters 599

Mullah Nassr Eddin got up slowly and heavily, and again pronounced his favorite saying: so-and-so-this-must-be-it, but this time with the ending, don’t-sit-long-where-you-shouldn’t-sit 600-1

I had, in the sense of my outer manifestations, as our esteemed Mullah Nassr Eddin would say, to dance in everything to his tune 617

I never yet met that idiot who, accustomed to shuffle in a pair of old shoes, would feel comfortable in smart new ones 630

as clear as the patch on the baggy trousers of the honorable Mullah Nassr Eddin 634

the-very-greatest-happiness-consists-in-obtaining-the-pleasurable-with-the-profitable 661

if a father likes to ride, though it be but a child’s sled, his son must obligatorily be prepared to drag the great village sleigh up the mountainside 671

the three-brained beings of this strange planet get divided on questions of religion, referring to which our highly esteemed Mullah Nassr Eddin would say, varied-titillating-titillations 698

they began to strip this religious teaching based on resplendent Love and transformed it into something also resplendent, but already into a resplendent-Terasakhaboora from the fairy tale Kasoaadjy 702

eh! get along with you 712

what is most important is to have plenty of money, and then even our Nammus may creak; or, Dooniyninishi, pakmazli pishi, geyann purn-undah pussar eshahi dishi, which saying means, world deeds are like honey-cakes, from which the eater must grow an ass’s tooth 714-5

the totality of those minor maleficent factors is gradually making their Reason, already strange enough without this, always more and more Shooroomooroomnian 767

everything else proved by this science, spiritualism, of theirs is also nothing else but Mullah Nassr Eddin’s twaddle 767-8

a certain exclamation of our highly esteemed incomparable Mullah Nassr Eddin consists of the being-consonance, Chrkhrta-Zoorrt! 803

Kmalkanatonashachermacher 805

Glory to Thee, Lord Creator, for having made the teeth of wolves not like the horns of my dear buffalo, for now I can make several excellent combs for my dear wife 858

and now among them this branch of their official science under the name of the theory of the law of vibrations exists there, as our wise teacher would say, in clover 862

ekh, you, Koorfooristanian pantaloons, isn’t it all the same to you whether you have a mule or a hare for your farm work? haven’t both of these animals four legs? 863

the limit of full satiety is bursting 886

the surrounding conditions of ordinary being-existence have been transformed into Tralalaoo-alalalala or, as our respected teacher would define it, a soap bubble that lasts a long time only in a quiet medium 919-20

that man will become a friend of the cloven-hoofed who perfects himself to such Reason and such being that he can make an elephant out of a fly 942

the greatest of all being-blessings for man is the action of castor oil 949

the term of the community of those American beings is still only a day and a half 967

he is as irritable as a man who has just undergone full treatment by a famous European nerve specialist 972

ekh, Brother! here on Earth if you speak the truth you’re a great fool, whereas if you wriggle with your soul you are only a scoundrel, though also a big one; so it is best of all to do nothing, but just recline on your divan and learn to sing like the sparrow that had not yet turned into an American canary 974

he will blink only if you poke his eye with a rafter 1003

isn’t it all the same if I sing like a donkey as long as they call me a nightingale 1011

ekh! people, people! why are you people? if only you were not people, you might perhaps be clever 1023

not only have they one foot in the grave, but even both 1024

there is everything in him except himself 1029

unless the buttons of their impressions are pressed, the beings there are in themselves only, as again our highly esteemed Mullah Nassr Eddin says, pieces of pressed meat 1029

it is already necessary, particularly in recent times, to look specially with the most powerful electric arc lamps, for beings with the aforementioned possibilities, in Europe 1041

such types as our Teacher Mullah Nassr Eddin defined by the words, nullities with an atmosphere of unendurable vibrations 1053

the degree of the importance of these people depends only on the number of their corns 1059

the famous swine of our Mullah Nassr Eddin always gobble up everything, without what are called, parlor manners 1064

the beings of this contemporary society, in respect of Being, are only perfected to the degree defined by the following words: look! look! he already begins to distinguish mama from papa! 1066

past centuries have shown us that Karabaghian asses will never sing like nightingales, nor will they refrain from indulging their noble taste for real Shooshoonian thistles 1068

this is the highest punishment: pull at the tail the mane gets stuck, pull at the mane and the tail gets stuck 1070

isn’t it all one to the poor flies how they are killed? by a kick of the hooves of horned devils, or by a stroke of the beautiful wings of divine angels? 1086

when some of these democrats occupy the places of the power-possessing beings, then a very, very rare cosmic phenomenon sometimes occurs from their actions, namely, the very corns turn pedicures 1086

each time he recites the following sentence, our priceless teacher Mullah Nassr Eddin first raises his arms to Heaven and only then with great reverence pronounces: Thanks be to Thee, Great and Just Creator, that by Thy abundant and just grace it is so ordained that cows do not fly like pretty little birds 1086-7

the most we can say of them is that they are simply jokes of nature 1087

ekh! my dear friend! is there such a thing anywhere on Earth as a wise legal examination of men’s guilt? 1089

and that is just as it is everywhere on Earth; donkeys are alike, they are only differently called 1090

plague and cholera are, at any rate, less ignoble than human honesty, since people with a conscience can at least live at peace with them 1107

the beings then called the third sex our Mullah Nassr Eddin would call misconceptions, or beings who are neither one thing nor another 1110

neither a candle for the Angel, nor a poker for the devil 1110

those who in the sense of their sexual desires become transformed at certain periods into Knaneomeny, or, as our dear Mullah would say, into veritable mares in the spring 1110

the purpose of their existence is to be the victims of leeches 1113

ekh! if you’re unlucky in life, you may even be infected by your godmother with venereal disease 1114

oh, you unfortunate creature! your mother must have sung an Armenian ballad while you were being born 1115

even a donkey can understand that peasant flesh costs nothing in peacetime 1117

one can never know who might help you get out of galoshes 1160

never will he understand the sufferings of another who has not experienced them himself though he may have divine Reason and the nature of a genuine Devil 1160

as soon as anything is needed, it seems that it is filthy and eaten by mice 1169

don’t shed tears in vain like that crocodile which snapped at the fisherman and missed biting off his lower left half 1180

now, my boy, in order that you may rest a little from active mentation, I wish for a little while to confine myself entirely to the form of mentation of our dear teacher Mullah Nassr Eddin and to talk about a certain in the highest degree original custom which has prevailed during the last few years in these contemporary New York restaurants 922-37; consider also 290-1

so, dear Ahoon, thank you for this information; Glory be to our Creator, what you have just said will probably help to destroy in my presence the anxiety which arose in me when I first constated the abnormal growth of those said Tibetan mountains, namely, my anxiety for the complete disappearance from the Universe of the precious memory of our Endlessly Revered Wisest of the Wise, Mullah Nassr Eddin 265

and 403 847 931 948 973